Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Story About The Pagan Muffin-thief. Part 2.

It was new moon that very night, so it was pitch black, and the wind made the cool air freezing, chilling them to their bones. It was close to midnight, and the only sound aside the wind in the trees, was the clattering teeth of the three board-members.
The Joninanator and The Chrisoman, however, did not feel the cold of the night, for they had powers beyond those of humans. The Joninanator shot the board members a condescending look, and moved towards the heavy door ahead. It was unlocked, so the five people hurried in, spearheaded by The Joninanator. The room they entered was dark, but they followed the sound of muffled voices and reached a room dimly lit by candles. Two people were encircled by people in cowls. The candles flickered, and cast long shadows in the room. The five intruders discreetly watched and were not seen by the coven doing their ritual. They stood and watched in stunned silence, minutes or hours had passed, when the woman in the middle ended the ritual: “…we bid you hail and farewell. Hail and farewell.” 

They hurried off, for they dared not get caught lurking on these sinister and strange people. The three board members were stunned, but The Joninanator and The Chrisoman both bore smug looks on their faces as they rushed out into the night again.
The next day, the Pagan Muffin-thief was sitting innocently in Indiscreet Math when the headmaster walked in. He had a grave, serious look on his face, and told the class that he had an announcement to make. He looked directly at the Pagan Muffin-thief and declared that he was ashamed “to have such lying filth” at his school, and that “his kind” were not accepted. Heads turned, and the Pagan Muffin-thief felt his face turning five shades of red. But this was not the end. The headmaster proceeded to insist, that he would show the proof, and pulled out a video of the events of the ritual. When the video was over, the headmaster turned back to the Pagan Muffin-thief, and in what seemed to be slowmotion said “You. Are. Expelled.” The Pagan Muffin-thief then disappeared. Nobody saw how he did it, and all kinds of stories are being told about the event. Some say that he ran out of the door, faster than the wind, others that he melted into the shadows under his desk, and then there’s the story where he turned into a hawk, knocked over the headmaster, and flew out through a window while all the telephones in the room suddenly played Lady GaGa songs.

Hello, hello baby, you called I can't hear a thing. Pagan Muffin-thief left, so them phones are ringing...

Nobody knows exactly when it all happened. Some say that it was decades ago and that the Pagan Muffin-thief simply has the power of controlling all Lady GaGa songs – past, present and future releases – and some say that it was only last week.
Fact remains, that every now and then you can sense a presence in the shadows near a stand bearing muffins. It is the Pagan Muffin-thief, who has come to take your muffin. He will have his revenge one day, over The Joninanator and The Chrisoman, for his strength lies in the muffins he steals and consumes, which are great in numbers. The happy, delicious triple-chocolate muffin faced its end, but it was not sad.
For it is said, that all muffins eaten by the Pagan Muffin-thief goes on to live happily ever after in Elysium.  

At least that's what they think they saw...


  1. haha! i loved this story. i'm going to think of it every time i hear lady gaga from now on. which is good, cuz usually my mind just kinda goes blank when i hear lady gaga.

    and i loved the story about going to your first strip club. definitely try again somewhere else! sounds like that place might have been a brothel, if there weren't any beautiful girls in great costumes doing wicked shows. it sucks that that was the first club you saw, but there are lots of great clubs, so keep trying, okay?

  2. Thank you! I was kinda afraid that everybody would be like "blah, whatever", because there are quite a few inside jokes in it, and I figured that might be why I (and my friend) think it's funny. Actually, he might just say he thinks it's funny because I have boobs. Who knows...

    Now I'm definitely on a mission to find a strip club like the ones I imagine/see in movies. I asked some of the guys I went with, and they didn't seem impressed either, so I'll try again for sure! I just need to find some people to go with, haha.

  3. Hi, Charlotte. I'm a new reader. Wait. Kage? What are you doing here? Oh yeah. I'm here because of the handy link that you put on your blog. Charlotte, you should thank Kage. She sent me here. Oh, and she's pretty awesome. I look forward to reading more of your stuff, Ms. Charlotte!

  4. thAt kAge...

    she pimped you out and now i am following you too...

    great story...

    blonde in a hyundai...

    everyone knows it was a redhead in an escort!

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  5. Thanks, I'm really happy you like it!

    And Heather, I am thanking her - don't worry ;)