Beware, oh muffins of the Earth! (AKA The Story About The Pagan Muffin-thief. Part 1.)

I began writing this story just for the fun of it, inspired by one of my friends and a dream he had about getting kicked out of school for being pagan (which he isn't anyways...) It kinda took off, so I decided to break it into two, so it wouldn't get too overwhelming. The combination of his fantasy and mine, makes one weird story. Here we go...

Once upon a time there was a muffin. It was a happy, delicious triple-chocolate muffin, partially wrapped in elegant floral paper. It was lying in a basket with its extended family, enjoying the lights shining down from above, when suddenly a big hand grabbed it.
It was the hand of the Pagan Muffin-thief. The Pagan Muffin-thief moved like a whisper through the shadows, and was almost impossible to spot with the naked eye.
The Pagan Muffin-thief had haunted technological universities since he was young. Once, the Pagan Muffin-thief was enrolled in one of these universities as a happy, clever student. Every now and then he was known to yell odd things such as "CLEAVER TO FACE!" or "SUSHI! NOW!" or state things in a mathematical language that only few was able to understand. Despite these strange outbursts, he was liked by most. However, he had two archenemies: The Joninanator and her apprentice The Chrisoman.

The Joninanator - looking like a wrestler, but rocking a costume like Catwoman.

The Chrisoman - rockin' the pink. Only real men can wear pink... Right??

The Joninanator and The Chrisoman were plotting against the Pagan Muffin-thief, for they knew a secret. The Pagan Muffin-thief practiced a religion strictly banned by the university. So they made up a plan: To expose the Pagan Muffin-thief.
The Joninanator had spies in all places, and had by blackmail and threats gained the knowledge of time and place for the Pagan Muffin-thief's next ritual. She brought her faithful Chrisoman, and had also convinced some members of the board of the university to join them, for she would need witnesses to his evil deeds.

To be continued...