Exams? Say What??

I have been absent for a while. Again. I know. Apologies.

I've been stressed out of my mind to somewhere past the solar system because of my upcoming exams. I'm doing good in school and all, but somehow this does not help my nerves. If anything it almost makes it worse. Stupid expectations. And stupid exams.
My last schoolday is Monday, and my first exam is Wednesday. Lovely.
If all else fails, I guess I can go with tactics along these lines:

A wild Danish exam appears... And burns.

Can I bring matches or a lighter to my written exams? I know I have to hand over my phone for the duration of the exam (noes, I could cheat!!!!!), but what if my paper(s) suddenly, spontaneously self-combust(s)?

For some reason, some teachers feel like exams are something to joke with (easy when you're not the one being examined) and say stupid stuff like "exam is a party for the well prepared student." Well, "dying painfully is a party for the annoying teacher"?

Okay, okay, that wasn't very nice, but you'll have to excuse my angry/weird ramblings, 'cause exams do not do anything good for my mental health.

Oh, and also I don't know what I want to do with my life. Can I please be a pyro for Rammstein? I guess that's not the best/most safe plan ever. But it would be fun. So much fun.

I don't know all my exams yet, which is really annoying. I do know my three written exams and one oral. I got sidetracked while writing this post and found something relevant for my one known oral exam (why is it called an "oral exam" in English?! Makes my mind think about stuff that does not happen at the average exam...).
Anywho, this exam is on DNA in biology and English (yay - watching NCIS is now schoolwork!), and I found this:

I will not be happy, yet not surprised, if my mind blanks and this is all I remember at my exam...

It's from this page, which contains good procrastination. Yay!
I hope y'all are doing great, and having a less stressed May than I am!